A famous author once said, “There’s a difference between living and just surviving. Do something you love, and find someone to love who loves that you love what you do.
It is really that simple. And that hard. ”
When I was a kid, I thought I was invincible. I thought I could do all I could ever dreamed of doing because the young soul in me thought that, everything is possible, there is no such thing as I can’t.
I had it all planned out, I will become a doctor and I would be able to treat diseases and help the sick. Few years later, my dream shifted, being a doctor was too big for me, so I’ll just be a nurse instead. But that also didn’t last, I have found a new calling. It was 4th grade when my love for literature and writing grew. I’ve joined numerous speech contests, poetry recitals, even journalism wherein I was in charged to write featured articles for the school newspaper. It was a wonderful feeling that had lasted ’til high school. I would spend my days writing journals, short stories, and writing reflection papers about a certain topic made me excited. I even joined a public speaking contest.
But as the end of my high school year grew near, we had faced the moment of truth where we would pick a college degree. There is no such thing on the list of choices, or the choices that have been given to me where I could write poetry, and explore the depths of literature. They said, it just wasn’t the type of career that will land you a good job in the future. But what is future, why do we always judge the unknown place, have not yet occurred time?
That was the very first time where I’ve felt lost and not in control of my life. My dad told me to pick Information Technology since it’s a demanding career. So I’ve picked it and made up my mind that I will have that degree and maybe writing could wait. College entrance exams came in and I’ve failed the exam of IT on the prestigious University I wanted to study in, so I was offered another choice. The courses left to take were, Business Administration, Engineering, Hotel & Hospitality Management, and Nursing. My once wide choices were narrowed down into just four. I have debated to just choose another school, but this was the only school that time that has a guaranteed full scholarship. I’ve picked Business Administration, but few hours later after I have chosen that course, I’ve informed the registrar that I wanted to change it to Hotel & Hospitality Management. I hated myself for being inconsistent, I just didn’t know what I was doing. I went on with my gut feeling.
In the middle of my college year, I decided I wanted to be a Flight Attendant. It was a pretty cool job with a decent salary and moreover, I could travel the world. Being in a hospitality industry course is a ticket to that newly found dream.
Four years later, I have graduated a Bachelor of Science degree in Hotel & Hospitality Management. For four years, I have fooled myself that this was were I truly belong. I know it’s stupid but I was just afraid to take risks of wavering again on the last minute. I could either work on the airline industry or hotel industry. That’s where my goal was headed.
I’ve failed on flight attendant interviews, even airport ground staff. So I gave up on that dream also. I have pursued jobs in a hotel and few months after graduation, I have landed a job.
Fast forward to present day, I’m on my verge of resigning. I wasn’t happy with my job, I feel like I don’t belong here. Waking up each day is a struggle because it’s another day where I would do what I don’t like. The once confident version of myself slowly become the opposite. I like people but I hate being around them for a long period of time. It gets awkward. I stutter a lot these days, and even took a break from blogging just to focus on this career. But none of it was working.
I’ve realized that I was missing out a lot of good things because I was so focused on doing what I don’t like.
Then I’ve been told that “Instead of looking where you truly belong, why not find something you think you will like and enjoy doing and just do it.”
I sat down and reflected. He was right. I was finding myself in the wrong places. If I focus on what I like, maybe things won’t be so difficult at all. The dreams we had set aside, maybe it’s time to pick them up again. I guess it’s never too late to start on something you truly like.
Writing is always what I wanted to do, so I will continue writing and writing. I may never be a published author but that’s okay, as long as I still write. I will write ’til I improve. I will write ’til I find my voice again. I will write about the things I love, for the people I love, and for the people who might be on the same page as I am. I will write ’til I find my voice again.
Maybe, I really won’t fit in anywhere. Maybe nobody ever does. Maybe we are a wandering free soul with a wide imagination. Once we find what we truly dreamed of, never let that go, hold on to it and be the best in it. Nothing comes easy, everything takes time.
Go back to the version of yourself where you believed that everything is possible. Because it really still is. It’s a matter of how you look at things in a bigger picture. Not everyone has a mentor who will guide them the way. Even if you have, in the end, it’s all up to you.
“So many people will tell you ”no”, and you need to find something you believe in so hard that you just smile and tell them ”watch me”. Learn to take rejection as motivation to prove people wrong. Be unstoppable. Refuse to give up, no matter what. It’s the best skill you can ever learn.” – CE
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU TRULY LIKE DOING THAT YOU HAVE SET ASIDE?
xoxo, Cheena Louisse
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